Approval Junky - The Root of the Problem

I'll admit it. I'm an approval junky. Honestly, some times I care about the approval OF the drawing a lot more than I care about the actual drawing itself.

I know exactly why this is if I think about it a bit more.

It has to do with parental neglect and growing up.

When I was a baby and a stupid little kid, my fucking asshole parents approved of EVERY FUCKING IDIOTIC thing I did, because you know, I was a fucking CHILD!

Oh boy was I in for a surprise.

Soon as I became an adolescent, and latter an adult, my parents "revoked their approval" of anything and everything I was, did, achieved, accomplished, finished, started, began, any projects I worked on, and anything and everything I stood for and did. They treated me like I didn't even deserve to be alive. That was how they spoke to me my whole life growing up. It left a void in my emotional memory  bank. The feeling, that horrible feeling that everything you do is never good enough for ANYONE, even when it is that and well beyond it. As a matter of fact, my asshole parents STILL FUCKING TALK TO ME THAT WAY TO THIS VERY DAY. I could be STEVEN FUCKING SPIELBERG and they'd still call me a "worthless piece of garbagy Jewish shit"! It's a losing situation with my parents. They're incredibly self-absorbed and arrogantly conceited. Middle class trash.