Hey. Let's Talk About Women and Their Role in the Bible For a Second...

Me: Walking into room during Grammys: Hey, mom. Can you pause the TV for a second. I got a question for you. You're up on the Bible, right.

Mom: Correct.

Myself: Okay, what do you know about Mary Magdalene, from the bible? Was she a prostitute?

Mom: Yes. She was.

Myself: What??! But I was just watching a Bible conspiracy documentary, on the Military Channel, about biblical conspiracies, based on recently acquired data from the Gnostic gospels. There's all these theories  going around that Mary may NOT have been a prostitute, but instead a potential leader of the church.

Mom: WHAT??! That's nonsense.

Myself: But it's a legitimate theory. There was a lot of misogyny in the bible at the time. It's been said that the male authors of the main gospel wanted to discredit Mary from becoming a saint, so they did everything in their power to portray her...as a prostitute.

Mom: That's lies. That's Satan. Mary was a prostitute.

Myself: But MOM? Don't you see the implications of this. The power and feminism inherent in this theory, if the interpreter is not biased by traditional Christianity, and gives credence to Gnostic Scripture. What better way to discredit a powerful woman is there than by labeling and misrepresenting her as a "dirty whore". I would think you of all people, a powerful and independent woman yourself, would be someone who could appreciate the validity of a theory like this!

End of conversation