Responsibility: What's That? I Guess This is Growing Up

I've got to learn to stop being so selfish. My parents are getting old. I've got to learn to take care of them, and the pets. Become my parents' keeper. The parent of my parents. That's what I'm going to have to become. When dad gets dementia, he's not going to be able to take care of himself. He might not even be able to do basic functions by himself. I'm going to have to hire a caretaker for the elderly (my parents), in time.

No one but my mother knows how tired I am. I've been taking care of my mom a lot. She can't really walk. Not very well anyway, due to her hip pain. She needs a cane and a walker to get around, like a friggin geezer granny. It's incredibly sad to watch. I need to help her. I need to help keep her safe. She's getting older.

I want to be more giving, more humble, less selfish, less self-absorbed, more responsible, more capable, more nurturing, more parental. I want to take care of my parents, in time, as though they were my children. Taking care of parents is like taking care of whiney children. But what choice do I have. They have no money to afford caregivers. And if they do have money, it isn't much, despite the fact Dad's slowly working himself to death and doesn't treat me as well as his customers. Still, how they view me doesn't matter. In one sense I am responsible for them. Having independence, autonomy, and responsibility means you're responsible and smart enough not to only look out for and care about YOURself and YOUR BACK. As you get older, you'll have other people to take care of, whether you have your own kids or not.

Yeah, not having the responsibility and altruism of adulthood would have been nice. IF I GOT RICH.

That never happened. 

So I'm on my own. 

Meanwhile Every Other Motherfucker in this Sick Ass World Wants to Kill Me and Watch Me Die!

FUCK YOU WORLD!

But I can't help but feel as though living only for myself and relying on the Power of Selfishness and Self-Absorption in the past has sent the wrong message. I've NEVER truly believed I should be the only person I should look out for. Generosity and Altruism are Important. What is there in this "business deal" for me? Nothing really. It's just I need to clear my conscience. I don't desire to live selfishly. I'm a healer of sorts. And a Shaman. Real Shaman and Healers give to others. But sometimes it just takes you're entire youth and boyhood to eventually realize it. That the world does not revolve around you. God wants to help us all. And he wants us to help others. God loves you. Yes, he does.