Internet's been kind of dead lately...

Yuh-huh.

Resolution, and Creative Blockage

While I do have enormous resolve, I also have one of the worst cases of creative block in the world sometimes. Which is yet another test of my will power and resolve,  the constant pressure from society that attempts to block my creative work, which also battles with my resolve.

GOD GAVE ME THE COLOR BLACK.....

To me black is a sacred color, not a "wrong color". It's the color the Heavens wanted me to use the most.

Willpower...Perseverance...Resolution

If I only drew when I wasn't being criticized by someone, I'd have quit the game a long, long time ago. There are many that openly despise my art. That's not the reason you should draw.

The only reason I continue to draw today, and will continue to draw until I die and probably never stop, is primarily because of my (rather cocky) ego (I might add). I'm driven by ego and the power of my will. I'm driven by a need to express both my ingenuity and power, and paper is the most convenient outlet for that. What people say about me, what I do or what I produce, quite honestly, doesn't mean shit to me. I'm compelled to dynamically express myself on paper and on computer. I could care less if fans (or anyone for that matter, even family) see it. I'm driven to express myself with art, both visually designed and executed, and written. Quality is irrelevent. As long as I'm drawing SOMETHING, my purpose in life is fulfilled. An audience and fans are not a necessary means to that end. I keep drawing because on some level my ego senses I'm good and Won't Let Me stop. Productivity is the only thing or goal I REALLY desire. Satan puts plenty of obstacles in my way of doing what The Lord wants me to do: Manifest art. My will shall remain. No amount of opposition sent by The Devil shall ever change the willpower of my resolution. I'll still be working every month or week, if not every day. Go ahead, called me any and/or every character insult you can conceive. Call me anything you like. Try to hurt me all you want. I'm gonna keep drawing. You don't matter to me, you're weak and hide behind your words. And I'm going to treat you how you should be treated. Worthless compared to what I produce. Worthless compared to God's will, which is essentially my own will, so it evens out.

Does my life story make me a "martyr"? Would a lot of people give up if they had to live the life I've lived, and faced the opposition I have? Without question. I like to think of myself as quite resolute. Nothing too boastful. I'll let history debate the whole "martyr thing".

My birth Mom is actually pretty cool...

I was talking to my birth mom on the phone 20 or so minutes ago, and the subject of her art career came up. She was telling me about one of the pieces she drew that she sold to a museum for $1,000 or so.

It was a portrait of a woman, screaming in horror, to express the horror she felt, based on newsreel footage of the crowd that had gathered to see John F. Kennedy when he was shot and killed. taken the day John F. Kennedy was assassinated when she saw it in the news.

"That's really cool mom!" I told her. "Sounds interesting. What's your medium of choice?"

"Oh, you know, number 2 pencil. Nothing fancy."

"I use the same kind of materials! That's cool!"

Torn...And divided....

I'm split 50/50 about which path I should go down.

For once, the journey ahead of me is pretty clearcut. But I am aware it's difficult to have your cake and eat it too, and especially travel both these paths at the same time. I'll admit I've been very secretive about what I'm in the process of doing. I haven't exactly been very forthright talking to "myself" online.

But from the way it looks I'm going to either be a business thing licensor, or a full-time comic book creator or screenwriter. I'm able to do either one without too much difficulty, but having to choose between the two career goals. One of these careers pays, and one basically makes a lifelong dream a reality.

It's never easy having to choose which of your dreams to take the most seriously. And then there's the media, and dealing with them. The actual work is really fun, but the industry politics fucking piss me off sometimes.

On the plus side, no matter which road I travel, I DO have a future that shows a lot of promise, so that's always beneficial. Being an entrepreneur is tempting though.

Right now, I'm a part timer. But I am making a considerable effort to transition to full-time.

What kind of work would it be? Actually, I'm not really comfortable discussing work online. It never works out when and if I do. So I guess I'm just going to have to keep people in the dark I suppose. Apologies.

Well, actually, I'm not being entirely honest with my audience here. I've filled up countless spiral notebooks with business and career planning notes, and I've done stacks of sketches and writing and filled up numerous notebooks, especially for my comics goal. I've been working on my goals part time for a while now, especially comics. This is not new. I've been doing the work behind closed doors, that most don't really see. It really boils down to attaining more resources and working harder. I work hard in terms of achieving my goals, right here and now. But I aspire to work a lot harder than I already have been, in an effort to turn my part-time hobbies into full-time jobs. But the important part is, I'm already a workaholic at these hobbies now.

My brother once said "Damn, you talk about that computer like it's an actual full time job or somethin'."

Well, actually, it already "sorta" is! Excuse me for working harder than you.

Poor, poor dismissive and insane doubting brother of mine. If only I could tell about what I was actually working toward. Well, I suppose I could do that, but he'd just laugh at me...viciously derisively and called me mentally delusional ("Talking online. That's not talking to real people")!! Because working a day job is so much better, of course.

Wake up dreamer! You can't trust NOBODY.

Unfortunately, I live with a bunch of dirty commies who think you should share everything and not recieve anything of your own. Kinda sucks. For this blog report, they argued No communist comment!

[4TheInternet] or [4Yourself]?

Are you drawing pictures for people on the internet, or are you really just focusing on what YOU want to do? (the latter being way more important).

We writers and artists never used to have to ASK weirdo questions like this, before the web 2.0 and anime/manga. But now, because of the nature of the internet and anime, you pretty much HAVE TO ask weirdo questions like this. See how technology terrorizes and changes things?

Anywho, I was thinking about that very thing, and at one point, I really got swept up by my own online so-called "Audience of The Undead", and assorted college students and anime people, and before I knew it, a while back, for a while there, I was creating all my work, all of my art, and a lot of my writing just to pander to my newfound, and much beloved audience of people who thought they actually know something about me that I don't actually put out there, which they don't. At the time, I was just happy to have a mainstream audience of some sort, and some popularity. Before 2003, I was not used to having such things, because I never DID have those things. In other words, being popular (even if just online) was a new experience for me. I'm not accustomed and never have been until recently, to people being all up in my grill, speculating a million stupid fucking rumors, speculating on my wereabouts, throwing bricks at me when I'm standing outside with love notes tied to them (okay, that last problem didn't happen, but now that I've actually written it!...) But I digress. It's a bad idea to pander to your own audience, no matter how small or big. At one point I became way too caught up in the people actually paying attention to me, that I forgot to factor in what I really want to draw or write.

Lately, I've been absent from the internet online for the most part from my usual hangouts online for a very good reason, at least in my opinion: I've gone back into my pre-internet-existence mindset, where I ask, first and formost, "What entertains me? What do I like? What kind of stuff do I want to actually see?" Instead of "What does my audience want?" If you pander to your online audience, you're probably no better than a lame-o TV channel polling its readers with surveys and focus groups, in an effort to "give the people" what they want, even when it's stupid and watered down.

With the internet also arrived a new, needier, instant-gratification-worshipping younger generation of artists and writers, some very talented, with one fatal flaw: They only care about how some guy (i.e. me, you, or anyone else of course) will react to it online. Can't say I entirely blame them. While indie comics and literature set a good example of publishing auteur motivs, Hollywood sets and incredibly irresponsible and bad example to today's artist kids, with its "perception is everything" motto and philosophy. Hollywood only cares how things look on the surface, even when it's an illusion, so not surprisly, international anime Hollywood Jr. follows the same mindset. Not the deepest philosophy, but you'd be surprised how influential some of the famous superstars that live by this code are.

Well, no more of that shit!

I draw comics and art for myself. Just because you have a scanner and are you does not mean you should bomb DeviantART or any other website with everything you've ever created. That can really fuck up your mind, actually. Next thing you know, you're emo. Or worse yet a scene kid porn star. And nobody wants that.

Anime, Manga, & Duplication (not always the same thing)

As animators and animation staffs, the Japanese Southeast Asian animation staffs and manga-ka are bigger on stylistic copying, duplication, and replication of form and geometric or proportional perspective, anatomy, drapery, and design, than they ever have been on actual innovation and originality. They’re really all just ripping themselves (the culture of artistic borrowing, i.e. the doujin market) and the rest of the world off, visually speaking (see Tezuka and Disney), and through that imitative Eastern technique manifests into eventual originality over time, years, decades, and centuries, leading all the way back to the days of Osamu Tezuka. Each film or TV show is a duplication of and an improvement upon the last one or specific genre in Japan. This is a Japanese specialty. (which is normal for artists. Most good artists got good by copying other artists) The fans and otaku glorify anything and everything Japanese as super detailed and super original, even when a decent amount of it is clearly not (It’s “cute” or “sexy” instead. not naming specific titles of course). Americans, from what I’ve seen of myself and other artists I know, want to create something truly innovative and new. Some might say too much so. In America, we actually want to see more Jhonen’s and Aaron McGruders and Dave Sims and Todd McFarlane and Genndy Tartakovsky’s and George Lucases: Regardless of how expensive it is or how much work it takes: Innovation at any cost, damn the odds of rejection. Something groundbreaking and inventive, that no one’s ever seen before. That’s the nature of American and French animation. And it’s the reason we glorify anime the genre so much, because that’s what the most influential animation critics and fans and artists see in the best anime: Originality and detail and action and cinema and invention. Because compared to what a lot of what we American Westerners and gaijin have produced recently, when you compare the two by surface, it does seem better. But is that even a fair assessment, to judge everything through the lens of young adult audiences, thirsty for rebellion and violence, on the surface? Yes and no. There’s always exceptions.

Comic Book Roughs Sketchbook...Finally...

After a long time of drawing on printer paper, the most ghetto of artist paper, I've finally bought my own sketchbook after going months drawing without even using one.

I call it a "Comic Book Sketchbook". It's a sketchbook specifically tailored to draw comic book sketch and layout and cleanup pages on, whether with pencil or with ink. It's spiral bound on the side, with tear out sheets of paper, with a structure similar to that of a book with blank pages. I've drawn around 5 or so comics pages in this book so far. It's easier to draw better comics pages when one thinks of it as regular drawing fit into panels, instead of some iconic association lumped in with "specialized comic book pages", which is the mind set I used to approach my work with, making it needlessly difficult. Ah well, doesn't seem to be a problem to me when I'm drawing now.

This just feels a lot more comfortable than the method and paper model I was using (computer printer paper). In terms of drawing real comics pages printer paper kind of sucks. Almost every page I did ended up looking like shit, with few exceptions before I got a comic-book sketchbook, and I was doing a lot of sketches, but before I got a sketchbook tailor made to be turned into comic book pages, I was really, really struggling. It felt like it was going nowhere no matter how much effort I put into it, and I in fact ended up with many headaches upon attempting it the old way. I just wish I would have thought of this method and sketchbook innovation sooner. Finishing the actual sequential art pages is quite important to me, and if those particular types of art pages look like shit, in turn I feel like shit, because as we all know its the sequential art that people actually see, which is part of why in the past I felt anxiety-possess everytime I even tried to draw one or two panels on a blank page. *shudders*. Glad that's over with. Honestly, I'm just glad I found a more productive type of technical supplies and mental method. The previous one was driving me fucking crazy! I failed in the beginning so bad! Auugh!!! What a nightmare. But like I said, it's ancient history. That's not the the case anymore.

-J.M.-

And Now...A Moment With Tech Talk (Drivers)

What to do when your E:// drive won't work, and you can't play DVDs on your laptop. Chances are, if your E:// Drive isn't able to read any DVD-Roms in your laptop computer's DVD-Rom Drive, that is an indicator you Media "Drivers" are out of date.

Lulu.com keeps screwing up the printing size of my books...

You request a normal size comic, a regular issue, and they mail you something 5 times too large. It fucking sucks! I've self-published 5 comics with this website, and every time they screw the print sizing up. I should really just contact them directly, but seriously Lulu.com. Get your shit together. STOP MISPRINTING MY SHIT!!!! Fuck this pisses me off. They've shat all over my publishing career.

The Art of "Movies on Paper", or "Paper Cinema"

Ever since I’ve been drawing comics seriously, I’ve been trying to go for a distinct cinematic feel that can also be found in manga like Akira and French comics. Or even books like I Feel Sick and Dave Sim’s Cerebus The Aardvark. I take a lot of influence from animated film, anime, some manga like Akira and Dragonball Z, and live action Hong Kong, French, and American Hollywood and international cinema. The best way I can think to describe what I do would be Paper Movies, or Movies on Paper. I think more in terms of cinematography, production design, storyboards, and choreography than I do in terms of actual art, though I do view textures and detailing as important.

-J.M.-

New Sketchbook Art Out

My newest sketchbook art hits the internet today. Made by me. This one was quite FUN to draw!

Color

In terms of my personal coloring and painting style, I do tend to like cool, low key, and dark colors with my cityscapes. I like cities, particularly how they look illuminated by artificial lighting at night.

Costume Design...

If you ask me, a costume is what can sell a book. Trigun and Spawn can sell books on fabric design alone. Big eyes aren't the only thing that sells online and in anime. Costumes and fabric do that too. Whether costume design is more loved by males or females, I don't know. Recently, the demograph seems almost 50/50s for fans who like a well designed costume in and of itself.

No no, the TV must be on mute, I need to concentrate to write…And now an Article about being an animation screenwriter

About Writing for Mature Animation:

Admit it or not, as far as the American market goes, few screenwriters in television are as envied as the primetime and late night cable and network mature animation writers. Two obvious names to pull out of a hat here would be (of course), Family Guy and The Simpsons. I said Family Guy FIRST because that show’s still actually somewhat popular.

Seriously though. What animation writer or aspiring animation writer DOESN’T secretly (or openly) aspire to work in a work environment free of the censorship and restraint (or in Spongebob’s case, nonexistent writers, “And instead…Storyboard artists! Yay!”) that children’s programming entails, even for anime.

But the thing is, here’s where it gets interesting, now that I’m addressing this issue in the animation production community….Mature animation (not “adult animation”, i.e. not to be confused with toon porn online) is a sub-genre of animation writing where the writer has a unique and blessed freedom not just to push the limits of what people will want to see in their animation, but also to achieve true cinematic narratology and quality storytelling. Mature animation can be topical like Family Guy. It can be dark and morbid yet with ironically and simultaneously humorous and dramatic undertones like Metalocalypse. It can be sub-urban, tongue-in-cheek stereotypical, and topical and funny and action packed all at the same time, as seen in The Boondocks. You can aspire to write anime, and you very well could one day, IF you know how to make manga, or (this one’s much harder than the former option) understand Japanese business and cultural politics, not be a cultural imperialist, and read and speak fluent kanji and Japanese, and know how to use Japanese screen writing software. So in essence, to go way out  and travel that journey (and not just be a voice actor who writes ADR dialogue punch ups on the side), you’d basically have to TURN INTO A JAPANESE PERSON. Not exactly an easy goal. I’m sure someone’s done it or is planning to do it somewhere though. The market is healthy and diverse, after and without multicultural dreamers where would we be, but I digress. Batman the Animated Series, in its heyday, was documented as having hired a novelist or few to write scripts on certain episodes of Batman Animated, way back in the 90s, and that’s one of the soundest methods of recruiting mature animation writers, even to this day. Hire a novelist. They have a sound background in writing, narration, description, and story. Or you could do what I started off doing and take to the internet and spew words anywhere and everywhere you can. That works too.

Amazon Spree

So I went on an Amazon BUYING FRENZY with some extra money I earned a few days ago. Bought sword movie I've always wanted to see, Heroes of the East. I've seen bits and pieces of it on YouTube and heard about it in Choreography books,  but the damn movie is just so intriguing. Hong Kong film is almost always good when it comes to choreography and action,  but damn, that film seems one of the best even by Hong Kong standards!

Bought some comics from Amazon.com U.S., as well as some comics from Amazon.fr and Amazon.co.jp. I LOVE ordering from those sites! Really spices up my days, getting to order international books that are untranslated. Honestly, words don't matter to me. If I want words I'll read Jean-Paul Sartre or Ken Wilber or John Steinbeck (which I actually do, I own those books too). I primarily like to buy untranslated art books and comics from overseas (France and Japan) purely for the superior quality of their artwork. Getting to see art like that makes the the steep shipping and handling Amazon fees worth it.

That's about it

-J.M.-

Adventures in Unemployment...

I'm not really any good at doing regular day jobs. The only thing I know how to do is draw and write randomly in a non-linear, non-narrative manner. That's actually what I've been doing  in life for the past 11+ years. I'm not the most employable worker. I'm terrible at traditional labor. All I know how to do is write and draw stream-of-consciousness work. There's a price you pay for only being good at one and a half things (writing / drawing).